Transform Your Relationship Despair To Relationship Mastery
Despair and upset are over-riding emotions when relationships breakdown, leading to feeling lost and disconnected.
This course provides you with understandings around relationship breakdowns and tools that create calm and clarity that allow you to stay self-connected as you undertake relationship recovery.
You will move to ways of seeing and handling relationships that will change your relationships forever.
Understand the causes of relationship stress
Shift from the upset and confusion of not knowing the causes behind the relationship stress to having a clear understanding that you can work from.
Know how to respond to upset
Upset feels incredibly daunting when it happens. Learn how to transform your response to upset and to see it as a gift to understanding what is going on
Listen past the words being said to what is actually being communicated
There are so many words said that escalate the breakdown and miscommunicate what is intended. Learn how to listen past these words and understand what is actually being asked.
You can take it on
Move from feeling out of control to knowing that you can handle upset, take on the relationship recovery and stay authentic to yourself.
What Is Causing Your (And Everybody Else's) Relationship Breakdown
We are not given a User Manual for what happens and what to do when a relationship moves in to ongoing upset and chaos. Which most relationships do.
So when a relationship starts to get stressed, we have no background for understanding our own responses and the partners responses. Sadly, this can be addressed, but just like doing something complicated, like flying a plane, it requires knowledge, skill and practice.
When relationships are not working self development is the key.
We don't have the knowledge and tools to handle relationship stresses
The way we respond in a relationship that is stressed, can be very automatic and counter-productive. It creates feelings of separation and anxiety. We progress to feeling disconnected from ourselves and a sense of despair takes over. These are intrinsic ways our brains operate and we have not learnt to be aware of this and how to respond to it.
Triggers dominate the relationship when breakdown is happening
Our past crashes in to the present and we strongly feel the negative emotions associated with our triggers. This is the unconscious trying to keep us safe, in the only way it knows how. The triggers hijack what we hear and see and our use of language. This can quickly lead to escalation of triggers on both sides, with neither side being able to put on the brakes.
We don't have the knowledge and tools to recover from the relationship breakdown
This is where the individuals in couples feel lost and alone. What was once a beautiful relationship with loving and caring, has slid in to emotional turmoil and chaos. There is often a desperation to be able to undo the damage and take the relationship back to better times. Yet there are no skills to fall back on to start the process and take it forward. Relationship breakdowns a fed by this lack of skills. Splitting up then seems to be the only best option.
Do you know that about 50% of marriages end in divorce and its avoidable?
The problems do not go away with second marriages as they have a divorce rate around 85%. Third are in the 90% range. On top of these numbers there are the those that just hang on in their unhappy marriage. Clearly there are some fundamental issues happening over and over in relationships that go unaddressed.
They can be addressed. How to is known but not very widely talked about.
This What You Get In Your Course
We are not given a User Manual for what happens when a relationship moves in to ongoing upset and chaos. There is a lot to learn about relationships when this happens.
Over 3 hours of video material
It is all self paced. It gives you a different way of looking at relationship breakdowns and describes skills you can use to handle and recover from the breakdown.
There are exercises included to practice the skills and develop your emotional awareness
The videos provide context and understanding to maximize the benefit you get out of the one on one coaching.
See the "Your Self-paced On-line Course Modules" section for details of each module.
One on One coaching
In relationship breakdowns coaching is the most critical part of any recovery. The understandings and skills you learn in the video's need to be made relevant and real for your specific situation. The many questions you have need to be addressed.
It can feel very lonely and disorienting when in the midst of a relationship breakdown. In this setting learning, understanding and applying new skills can feel very challenging.
Having a coach that can listen, guide you, explain what is happening and, help you build and become comfortable with the skills needed - will make an enormous difference to your emotional state, learning and deciding and implementing your steps forward.
Your Self-paced On-line Course Modules
Here is a brief summary of the, self paced online video course modules. They provide the shifts in understanding that will change how you view your relationship breakdown and build your new skills on.
They will give a groundwork from which coaching is much more effective.
Introduction
Introducing the course and how you might go through it. What to expect from the course and what I would like you to bring to the course. When to use the coaching component
Calming
Discuss the importance to get to a calm space regarding the relationship breakdown to facilitate your learning. We also look at how to interact with your partner while you are going through the course and coach
Understanding Triggers and Emotions
Relationship breakdowns are driven by triggers and negative emotions. We build the understanding how they arise and how they impact the individuals and the relationship. We also work on developing the awareness of triggers and feelings with the aim of using them to change our responses from counter-productive to connecting with our partner.
Needs In Our Lives and Relationships
Behind our triggers and emotions are our needs. We develop an understanding of human needs and how our triggers and emotions derive from them not being met. This adds a major piece to the puzzle. By identifying needs in ourselves and also our relationship needs, we can change from language that creates division in the relationship to language that creates connection.
Your Situation
We look at how feelings and needs are being expressed in your situation. In understanding them, it will become clear how to approach communication with your partner so that you create connection and not separation.
Reconnecting With Your Partner
We look at the details how you can reconnect with your partner. Different approaches are suggested depending on the state of emotions in the relationship and the likelihood that triggers might take over.
Further Ways Forward
This module considers other, deeper aspects of the relationship recovery process and points out further areas of understanding and exploration
Coaching Worked For These People And It Will Work for You
What my customers have written about being coached.
Click this link for additional videos
I have a friend with PTSD try to commit suicide in front of me this week....She was already in the psychological hospital so help was close at hand. ... I'm currently in the angry (silly cow) stage...I was able to share my feelings and needs with (name withheld) today. I told her I talked to you and used your lists.....She did not realize I might feel angry from her being unwell. But when I explained about feeling helpless and scared... That we would never have the connection back to enjoy life.... she began to empathize and had an aha moment...
... it’s exactly what I’m trying to work on, in developing myself so I know how to express my feelings and needs properly to myself and others 🙌🏻...Thank you Herbert!... I have no words to express my gratitude towards you...I just wanted an opinion about other’s perspective and you helped me to look at myself and try to understand me better...Thank you very much for that!
...I think I lost sight of who I was and thought very low of myself. Now I know I have so much to give and can walk on my own two feet, live and learn from the experience and should either (name withheld) work or not (in truth I love her to bits) I know who I am and sure of who I am.
Buckets of thank yous to you for yesterday!🙏I felt privileged to observe you & (name withheld) working together! We so appreciated the time you willingly gave us 😘 hugs galore!!!xxx... I am realising with folk who are so deeply damaged/ traumatised by past experiences that it takes strong sessions ( plural) to really shift stuff...
...Again thank you Herbert you genuinely have explained things in our chats I wouldn’t have known and I truly appreciate that, it’s something I will carry, grow from and expand on....
Frequently Asked Questions
Can't find the answer you need below, then click here to message me.
How Long Are the Video's?
There is over 200 min of video's in 28 modules. all modules are self paced.
How does the coaching fit in with the video's?
You can use your coaching sessions at anytime, depending on your needs. I do recommend at least doing some of the modules so that we have a common ground to work from so that you get more value out of the coaching.
How is the coaching done?
We do it via Zoom. You book a time from the course website and there will be a Zoom link supplied that you can click on to get in to the coaching session at the booked coaching time.
I feel overwhelmed with what has happened?
Relationship breakdowns are emotionally overwhelming and draining. This is normal. The second module goes through ways to calm yourself. If need be, you can use some of your coaching sessions for getting coaching around calming down to be able to do this course and get the most out of it.
Leaving Relationship Despair In The Rear View Mirror
When you see that it is possible to understand and handle the strong negative emotions that come with a relationship breakdown, you will have a sense of choice and freedom that has been missing for a while.
People I coach have gone from a sense of confusion and being overwhelmed or even despair, to being clear in terms of what is happening in the breakdown and what to do next.
They go from feeling continually lost and hopeless to finding themselves and their core values. From there they feel they are moving from a sense of their own strength and ability and can respond in a caring and loving way. That they can positively repair and contribute to a relationship that is a joy and support to both.
Imagine you having the tools and understanding to allow you to take the steps to achieve this
Its Time To Act To Make A Difference For Your Relationship And You.
This course offers -
# Over 200 mins of on-line video's in 28 Modules
# 1 on 1 coaching - 6 x 30 min sessions
# Launch Bonus Package (LIMITED TIME)
Double 1 on 1 coaching time
- instead of 6 x 30 min sessions
- you get 12 x 30 min sessions
All for a price of $997
There is a 100% satisfaction guarantee. If, in 30 days from purchase, the course and coaching, does not deliver you the clarity and skills that you can apply to change your relationship, I will refund your money.
